"The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love"
-Henry Miller-
I wanted to start this particular post off with the quote above. This quote means so much to me and the things that I am experiencing in my life right now.
This post is focusing on the topic of love. Love, particularly in relationships, has been a big part of my life here recently. There has been a lot going on with my "relationship" and there have been a lot of things that I have learned from this relationship and my past relationships. I feel like sharing some of these experiences and talking a bit about what I have learned and how I've grown mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually from my relationship experiences would be helpful to not only myself, but to others who may be experiencing the same thing. My relationship has been a common conversation that I have had with 2 good friends of mine.
Ok, so lets see where I should start......
Well, I was 13 when I got into my first relationship. Young, right? Absolutely! Definitely too young to be in a relationship. Well, just like any other 13 year old...I thought that I was in love. I was in puppy love. I didn't even know what love was or the significance of "true love" or what it meant. All I knew was that I had someone to call my boyfriend and I loved being around him. Well, him and I were together for 6 years on and off. Things were great when we were 13 (me) and 16 (him), however, when our careers and future was not in question. Once we started to get older, I realized that we were on two different paths in life and that I wanted more out of life than he did. Also, we never did anything together and he always went and did his thing and I did mine and there was never anything done as a couple. I felt like I was single and just had someone to tell people, "Oh, yea...him? He is my boyfriend!" 6 years later, and we went our separate ways. I was not hurt, I was passed the point of being fed up with being last on his list and people that did nothing for him were always put before me. I just couldn't take it anymore and from that experience I learned that we loved each other but we were not in love with each other.
After that separation, I got with E.J and that was an on and off relationship of pure unhealthiness. I loved him more than he loved me and we were absolutely toxic for each other. I hated him more than I liked him. He was constantly cheating and doing things to hurt me. He lied to me all the time.
Then my life changed on June 7th, 2012. I found out that I was pregnant; by E.J of course. I was so devastated because we had just split up a week before that and I knew that he was not the one that I wanted to have to deal with for the rest of my life.
But then.....something hit me.
Through the toxicity of our relationship and our treatment towards each other, there was a reason that God gave me a child with him. At the time that I found out that I was pregnant, I absolutely hated him (E.J.) and could care less if I ever saw or spoke to him again.
But....God's plan was different. He blessed me with a child (with E.J.) to teach me how to be respectful and give love even when it is not given to you. God forced me to learn how to love through the worst situations and how to be caring and how to deal with people. I didn't understand it at first. I asked myself why God would bless me with a child with someone who does not help take care of their children and the only thing that I can get from the whole situation is that, I was not a loving person and I felt hatred towards E.J. and God wanted me to learn something from my experience, and I definitely did.
My patience has grown and I've learned to be more loving. I also realized how selfish I was and how unintentional that it was. Everyone is selfish to a certain extent and in different ways.
Throughout this experience, my whole definition of "LOVE" has changed.
So now onto my most recent/current "relationship"....well, it is a long story. But all I can say now is that we are together BUT without a "title" I guess, so to speak. Uhh, honestly, I am not really sure about it. I am still a little confused.
With my current situation, the only thing that I ask for is for God to show me guidance and lead me through this time in my life where I am walking blind. I cannot see far ahead but I know that there is something awaiting me, I just don't know what BUT He does...and I trust Him and I love Him enough to lead me and that whatever the outcome is, I know that I will be ok.
I may not like it....it may be painful OR it could be exciting and cheerful.... BUT one thing I know for sure is this.....there is another lesson buried inside the ultimate "fate" (so to speak) of how this situation turns out.....
So now, I am going to talk about love and what it means to me. This is a powerful topic for me because I hold love so highly in standards and it is so important to me. Love is an important part of life for everyone, whether or not you choose to give it, show it, accept it, and enjoy it...is all your choice and it will play an affect on the outcome of situations.
So...what does love mean to me???
To me, love means giving of oneself, one to another, unselfish, trusting, wanting; telling each other your most secret thoughts. When you are apart, there is an emptiness inside you. An angry word can bring your world to an end. We need love in our lives but we need to give love to make it complete. Love is not always returned, it is sometimes one sided. You cannot choose who you want to love or who you love, love chooses you. Emotionally, love can make you or break you. Love has intensity; a feeling that you cannot live without the other. Love consumes you, takes over you life. That is why pain and despair follows the loss of that love, if there is a loss of that love. Love lasts as long as you want it to. Take it day to day loving each other like there is not another day to follow. Never take each other for granted, appreciate one another. If you take one another for granted, your love will fade. You will love more than once in your life, each love very different from the other. If you truly love, then you will remember them all. People experience true love when they find an enduring, steadfast love. God's love is given unconditionally and we need to learn others how God loves us; non-judgmental and unconditionally. True love is what everyone seeks-- in every relationship. Love is measured sacrificially. True love will give until there is no more to give. True love will take the risk of never being loved in return, however, you must continue to love and be patient and kind...that is the only way to get love returned to you.
--There is so much more that I could say about love....but I think I will leave it at that--
So...with all that being said....always love unconditionally, it is a chance that you take but in the event of a heartbreak, you always have a valuable lesson that comes out of it. You just have to think "outside the box" and analyze the situation because the lesson learned may not always be obvious and you may not know what that lesson is right away....but one day, you will know what it was. You will look back and go; "Oh wow, this is why I went through that back then. I've learned.....and since that experience, I've become....." (Fill in the blanks...haha)
With my current situation, all I want is to know whether we have some sort of path or if we are just hanging onto to each other by a string. Keeping someone in a matter of convenience is not healthy either. So do you leave the toxicity....or do you stay and take the chance that when it does end in the way that you don't want it to, that the friendship is ruined and there will never be anything civil or peaceful between the two of you?
In every love relationship, there is also a friendship. If you know that you are in a toxic situation, is it worth ruining both the relationship and the friendship or would you rather recognize that you and the other person are not healthy for each other and end it and still be able to keep the friendship? That is a question that only you can answer.....and btw, it is a hard question to answer...it takes time.
I will say this, we teach other's how to treat us......
That statement is so powerful to me....along with several others haha. It means so much and it is suitable for any situation.
We have to let people know what is unacceptable and what we expect from them (something called boundaries...which is something that a lot of people don't have) and we have to stand behind what we say and we have to guard ourselves. If we allow others to do unacceptable things to us and there is no result or "consequence" from their actions, then we are teaching them that what they are doing is acceptable and they will continue to do it.....you can't change someone else, BUT you CAN change how they are towards you and what they do to you!
So when you're in a situation like I am at the moment. Make sure that you know where you are going and what path you and the opposite person are on and don't allow the other person to lead you on and keep you in the dark.
I've learned that the best way to stay focused and not confused (like me) is by asking questions. When you want to know something, ask. I know.....it's hard. Trust me, I understand totally. I hate asking questions that are relationship related. Asking relationship questions is really scary for me...actually it's terrifying. The thought of getting the worst possible answer is more terrifying than actually asking the question. It is something that I am working on though.....I hope it gets better soon.
Do they make therapy for asking questions?? If not, they should cause I definitely need it :)
So I leave you with this....
Are you in a toxic relationship? Do you know what "love" is? Have you ever experienced a time when you were devastated due to a love ending?
"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because your reality is finally better than you dreams"
-Dr. Seuss-
Have you ever experienced this (the quote above)?
Please feel free to share, comment, etc. I enjoy it.
Thank you for reading this too by the way. I appreciate it.
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