Well, considering that she is like family and her and I grew up together, I knew that I had to write her in a private message and check on her. When I saw the status, something in my heart told me that this was a chance for me to be able to pass advice, encouragement, and strength onto someone else. God really works wonders. He spoke to me, He told me to check on her and make sure that "my sister" was ok.
I listened.....(btw...always listen to your Father (God) He never tells you ANYTHING wrong)
I was able to help! Best feeling in the world!
I've been through a lot of hard times and emotional situations in my life and I have always prayed that God would allow me to use my experiences to touch someone's lives and just when I thought He wasn't listening, He surprised me and showed me that he was and since I have been back "in touch" with Him, my experiences have been able to help others a lot....which just confirms that God really listens to us and makes things happen; if they're meant to happen.
Soooo I messaged my friend and asked what in the world happened and she told me that her and her boyfriend broke up because he never pays her attention and he is always playing video games. Instantly when she told me that, I thought about Terry and I. Him and I split up almost 2 years ago because he never paid any attention to me, he was always blowing me off and all of this was a result of him being extremely addicted to video games. I was touched the moment that she told me that I just knew that I had to share my experience with Terry with her.....
I could sooo totally relate to what she was going through....
I was in shock that someone else was going through the same thing because I thought that my situation with Terry was so odd and unique and that no one else had that issue...but I realized tonight that I was wrong.
My heart definitely felt for her....
This was my situation with Terry:
Him and I got together really young (I was 13 and he was 16). We were young and thought we were in love. When we first got together, everything was great. I was in heaven and he seemed to be. He did like to play video games though but that wasn't an issue (not then). We were always together and everything seemed to be like it is in the fairy tales.
Well, 5 years went by and Terry went to work on the road with his dad. Everything was good, other than he was never home but I adjusted and eventually got used to that. He then decided that he did not like being on the road so he came off.
Well, that is when everything suddenly changed....
When he came home, things were different....they even felt different. I love him but I guess I was just so used to being alone by that time that I just wanted to be alone and I wanted to be in a relationship with him but from a distance.
Well, the longer that he was home....I got used to him being home all the time and things seemed to be back to normal.
He went back to work for Precision Turf....him and I did not have a vehicle because his cousin went out on the road in his place and drove his truck so that he could still make money from the road and not have to be out there which was awesome cause we had 2 incomes and he was only having to work 1 job and was still able to be home all the time.
Well, when he went back to work for PT, he rode with his friend Patrick (which is now my aunt's fiance). Well, in the afternoons when he would get off work, he wouldn't come home...he would go to Patrick's and sit over there til midnight or later and play video games and I would be sitting here at the house waiting on him to get home. After a few months of that taking place, I realized that I was tired of being neglected and pushed aside for material things (video games) and his friends. Now, I am not saying that it is not ok to have friends and to have "guy time" with your friends but when it is every day and you NEVER spend time with me and you are NEVER home and I hardly ever see you because by the time that you come home, I am already in bed.....yea, well that is a little ridiculous.
I got tired of it....
So one day, I mentioned to him that we needed to work on getting a car so that I didn't have to sit home all the time and I could take him back and forth to work and stuff. When I mentioned to him that we needed to work on getting a car, his response to me was, "Well, maybe you should have friends with cars!"
I was astonished that he would even say something like that to me. On top of being astonished, I was hurt that he would say something like that to me. I felt like I didn't matter to him at all!
That is the worst feeling in the world!
Well, a few months went by and him and I discussed moving into our own house. I was all up for the idea because somewhere in my little tiny brain, I thought that maybe moving would strengthen our relationship since we would be living on our own and we didn't have parents and stuff all in the picture and in our business.
Well, I found us a house and we went and met with the lady and signed the lease and we got the keys and that weekend we moved in. I was so happy. I just knew that it was going to be a turning point in our lives.
Yea....WRONG!!!!!!!!!!
We moved in and then shortly after we moved in, his cousin (who I cannot stand) called him and said that work on the road was slow and that they would be sitting for a few weeks and he asked Terry if he could come stay with us. Let's just say that I was not happy and that I was totally against the idea but Terry went against how I felt and told his cousin that he could come stay with us.
I was so ticked off. I felt so under minded and overlooked. I felt like my opinion didn't matter to him at all but that was a feeling that I was used to so I am not really sure why I let it bother me that much but for some reason it did.
Needless to say, his cousin moved in and everything went further to hell. His cousin never did anything around the house, never made any attempt to go find another job, never put in any effort or anything into the house or anything that needed to be done around the house. Terry and his cousin would just sit up on the game all night long and then Noah (Terry's cousin) would sleep all day. It was the most aggravating thing in the world. I used to say stuff to Terry about it and it just went in one ear and out the other. Once again, he made me feel like how I felt didn't matter but all that was a daily feeling.
Months went on and things were just getting worse. Video games were affecting EVERYTHING, except his job. That is the one and ONLY thing in his life that it didn't affect.
Finally, one day...Terry and I got into an argument and I raised my tone with him and he told me to quiet down or he would pack his stuff and leave and I looked at him and said, "Bye!!!!"
He packed his stuff and left.
I was not affected at all. Actually, I was kind of happy. I felt relieved.
Shortly after that, I got with EJ who was a friend of mine long before we started a relationship.
He did all the things that I wanted Terry to do but that he did not do.
I thought that I was in love. I felt like I was in Heaven.
EJ spent time with me all the time, everything was all about me, he showed me love and affection and attention.
It was the best feeling in the world. I "loved" him......so I thought.
Well, I guess you can say that I learned to love him. It was a different kind of love though.
As time went on, I did love him. I loved him with all my heart. He was always so good to me on every level. I had all the things that I wanted and needed. Everything that I wanted Terry to be that he was not.
Months and months went on and I realized that I did love EJ but not the way that I wanted to love someone.
It was a different kind of a love; a love that is really hard to explain.
Him and I talked about marriage.....BUT THEN.....
I found out that he was cheating on me....and then I caught him cheating again....and again....and then a fourth time.
Finally, I could not take it anymore and it hurt so badly to even think about leaving but I realized that staying would be more damaging than leaving.
I was so hurt, I was devastated. I didn't understand how someone could tell me that they love me so much but then be ok with getting into bed and partaking in sexual actions with another girl....how do you do that? How do you not think about how your girlfriend would feel? How do you not feel bad and stop yourself and say, "Wait a minute, this is wrong and I cannot do this!"....I just didn't get it.
One thing about Terry was, he never cheated on me.
Once again, with EJ just like with Terry....I thought that I was the problem and I didn't understand. Everyone told me that me being mad and upset at Terry for playing video games was petty but they were not in my situation and they did not understand....with EJ, everyone said that I had a valid reason to be upset, hurt, heaertbroken, etc.....I just always felt like I was the problem....like I was not good enough.
So I started thinking......I did love EJ but not with the type of love that keeps a relationship going, him and I did everything together and he always showed me attention, BUT he cheated on me and that was something that I always said that I would never deal with and he did it but yet that was one thing that Terry never did.
But then I started thinking about it (after he cheated on me) that I wasnt truly happy, I only thought that I was happy and I had created the illusion that I was happy because he did everything that Terry didnt do and so I thought that I was in Heaven with him
So...with all that being said.......I learned a few valuable lessons from the whole situation with Terry and I and then the whole situation with EJ and I.
One lesson that I learned was, when there is something that is not right in your relationship, don't fall for the next person that does what the last person did not because there is going to be something that you don't like about the next person too and the issue with the next person is probably bigger than the issue with the last person.
Another valuable lesson that I learned was, live life to the fullest. You only get one. Don't waste time on someone just because you feel like you cannot be without that person. Time is of the essence and once time is invested, you cannot get it back. I like to think of time like money.....once you invest money into something, it cannot be given back. Money does not last forever....and neither does time. You only have so much money.....well, you only have so much time so use it, or spend it so to speak, wisely and make sure that you are using it on things that matter and things that are going to make a POSITIVE difference in your life.
Needless to say, (and as most of you already know).....EJ and I did not work out either, but I have a beautiful and loving daughter from him, and for me to have her was worth every bad moment with EJ and trust me, there was a lot of them.
I have learned a lot of out the situations and experiences with Terry and EJ....and I hope that by reading this, you were able to learn something to.
The first thing to remember is, the grass is not always greener on the other side. For example, Terry never paid attention to me and never spent time with me BUT he was always faithful whereas EJ did everything that Terry did not and I thought that I was in Heaven BUT he couldn't be faithful.....lesson here is, there is always going to be flaws in the person that you're with....
The question is, are you willing to deal with those flaws? Are they flaws that are completely impossible to deal with?? Or.....
Can you love that person through all their flaws, give love, accept their love, and be unselfish and allow them to love you the best way that they can.
Everything happens for a reason and even though me might not understand why we are going through a particular experience, God has a plan for us and if we are going through it then it is God's plan for us and everything that is going on is happening exactly the way that God wanted it to happen
We may not like the way that things are going in our life and we might not like the cards that are being dealt to us but every card handed to us has a lesson behind it and it is worth the risk to pull the next card out of the deck. It is just like gambling.......is it worth it? Is it not?
So I leave you with this, have you ever experienced a time where you and your significant other did not work out and you started a new relationship and realized that the problems in that relationship were much bigger than the issues from the last relationship??
Have you ever been ignored and pushed aside by your significant other due to video games?? If so, how did that make you feel??
I hope that this helps someone out there,,,,actually, I know that it will. If each of my posts only helps 1 person, then I have completed what God put me on this Earth for. I am so passionate about this blog. Also, if you have a topic that you would like me to write about, please feel free to let me know and I will write about it and get it up as soon as possible. I hope that this helps someone out there. Love you all and thank you for reading. Also, share the link and encourage others to read it.....feel free to comment on the posts as well.
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