Stand Your Ground!

It absolutely breaks my heart to see people that are so close to me go through some of the things that they go through. I see girls/women (some that are really close to me and some that are not) put up with some of the most ridiculous stuff from their "significant others", be disrespected, and be taken advantage of and walked on like they are trash.

It is so heartbreaking to me.

I try to give advice, I try to be there for them, I try to life them up when they're down and always be that positive and uplifting person and that ONE TRUE FRIEND that everyone deserves to have but sometimes I feel that it is not enough.

I try to use my experiences as a learning tool for my peers, in hopes that it will make a difference. I have been through a lot in my life, some stuff that NO ONE knows about and I try to share my experiences with others that hold a special place within my heart so that they can learn from it and strive to have much better than what they have right now.

I am strongly inspired about my blogs in which I also write as a helpful resource and a learning tool for others....it just seems as if it is not enough.

I don't understand why some people deal with the things that they deal with.

I just wish that my dearest and close friends would look at me and allow me to be the living proof that even when you're going through something that you think you will never be able to get through, you CAN and you will!

There is better out there.

I know that there are a lot of things that play into people allowing themselves to be treated a particular way but, no matter what the case or the situation is, you still deserve to be treated with dignity, respect, loyalty, and kindness. If you don't receive that treatment then you are wasting time with the wrong person.

Some people try to validate the things that they deal with on children…..I just have to say that kids is no reason to stay with someone and be disrespected and unhappy. Children DO NOT bring happiness. They cannot make someone treat you any better.

In fact, staying in an unhealthy relationship due to having children with that person is actually doing nothing but causing more harm than good. By doing that, you are teaching your children the wrong things. We, as parents, are supposed to lead by example. Our children look up to us. We are supposed to be the ones that are responsible and strong, especially for our children.

As a mother, I’ve learned that even when I’m at a point where I don’t have the strength to keep pushing, I know that I have to find strength somewhere….for Alana.

With daughters, (from a mother’s standpoint) staying in an unhealthy relationship is doing absolutely nothing but setting your daughter up for failure. You are teaching her that it is okay to be with men that are garbage and treat you like crap. You’re teaching her that it is okay to allow people to over step her boundaries. You’re teaching her that it is okay to not have any self-respect for herself. Unfortunately, little girls grow up and try to find men that are like their daddy’s…if their dad or father figure is ridiculous, then that is what she is going to be putting up with and as a mother you should want better for your children.

With boys, staying in an unhealthy relationship is showing your son that it is okay to treat women the way that your significant other treats you. It is ridiculous.

WE ARE OUR CHILDREN’S EXAMPLES. BE WISE, BE MATURE, AND REMEMBER THAT YOUR CHILDREN ARE A PRODUCT OF THEIR ENVIRONMENT!

We all have boundaries and if you don’t then you are allowing yourself to be hurt over and over again. When you set boundaries, you have to stick to them and make sure that you demand respect for your boundaries.

Shall someone over step your boundary then there has to be a “consequence” so to speak.

I’ve said this before and I will say it again, we teach others how to treat us.

If you allow people to continuously walk all over you and disrespect you and you never put your foot down then all you’re doing is inadvertenly telling them, “It is okay that you treat me horribly. Please don’t treat me right. This treatment is absolutely amazing!”

That is what you are telling them.

Hell, if that is the vibe that you are going to give them, you should have just told them from the beginning that you appreciate being mistreated and disrespected and ask them to treat you that way.

If you would never ask someone to treat you badly, then why do you allow it to happen?

A man will only respect you as much as you respect yourself.

 I've quickly come to realize that you can't change someone....they have to want to change.

I've also learned that you can't make someone do something even though you know it is for the better, they have to realize that they need better and can find better on their own. Until they realize that peace is not their reality and that their future can be a lot more devastating than where they are right now, they will NOT change.

Time is something very important and once you invest it, you cannot get it back. Spend your time wisely. Share it wisely. It is something that cannot be taken back and it cannot be refunded. Don't waste an abundance of time on something that you know will never change.

Everyone knows when they need to make changes and they know what departments they need to make changes in, it is up to them to do it or not.

Sometimes, admitting that you need to make some really hard and heartbreaking changes is terrifying to admit and so you deal with whatever and you claim that it is love and although love may play a large part of it, it has more to do with the fact that realizing and admitting that things are not right is absolutely terrifying.

Once you can get past the admission of guilt, you will be just fine.

Just remember, sometimes the most necessary things are the most painful.

 With pain comes strength...be strong and always respect yourself. 

I’ve learned that I care about my close friends more than they care about themselves and that I try way too hard to help other people when they are going through a rough time.

I have a big heart and I care about my friends but if you don’t want to change things to bring peace and happiness to your life then don’t ask me for advice. That is the point that I am too. I am tired of being stressed out because of other people’s problems and their stupidity to not change the things that are wrong. No one can change things for you. Only you can do that.

I can talk to someone until they are blue in the face but until they see reality for themselves, anything that I say will never matter and I am tired of constantly repeating myself to the same people all the time.

I would never give up on any of my friends because I love and care about them too much BUT I am not going to sugar coat and/or lie to them about anything when they ask me about something either. Just want to make that very clear.

I will always give the truth, no matter how much it hurts…..they will eventually one day thank me for being honest with them. With that being said, if you don’t want the truth then don’t ask me for it.

I want all of my friends to know that I love them and that I am always here……even though they make me angry sometimes…..

I love all of you!

Have you experienced a situation like this before??? Feel free to share your story.

Thanks for reading. Comments are always welcome. 

Good In Goodbye!

Good In Goodbye

I don’t regret it,
The time we had together
I won’t forget it.
But we both ended up where we belong
I guess goodbye made us strong.

-Carrie Underwood-

Have you ever experienced a love for someone so strongly and when it ended, you were more than devastated; however, you knew that it was most definitely necessary? How did you feel during that time?

Well over the past 8 months or so, I have learned that sometimes the most necessary things are the most painful. It really is unappealing, emotionally.

I went through this with Alana’s biological father. It was awful. As much as I loved him, I knew that him and I were absolutely toxic together.

With him, like with most people; when times were good, they were great but when they were bad, they were horrible. It really was an emotional roller coaster and we had a lot of volunteers when it came to making things difficult and trying for us.

There were a lot of ups and downs, a lot of happy and sad, a lot of tears and laughter, a lot of hurtful words and amazing kisses, a lot of “punches” thrown and a lot of amazing hugs, a lot of hurt and a lot of comfort.

Through all those things, the one thing that was beautiful out of the entire relationship was……Alana Nikole Marie Smith.

There were a lot of reoccurring things that I finally just could not take anymore. Unfortunately, I had to walk away for the last time.

It wasn't easy, it hurt, it took a lot to bring the “ending” words out of my mouth…..but at the end of the day, I knew that at that moment, it was very necessary.

With a child in the mix of it all, it became more necessary. It wasn't easy at all.

There is one thing that I can say, I loved him unconditionally BUT at that particular time, he did not love me the same.

The more that I thought about our situation, I knew that we were not doing anything but making things harder on ourselves. I knew that if one of us didn't end our relationship, that we would grow to hate each other. I knew that. As hard as it was to face, I knew the truth and lived in denial for a while before I made my final decision.

One thing about me when it comes to relationships is, I will give it my all. I will exhaust all possible resources and options before calling it quits. When there is no other alternative or option, except to leave the situation altogether, that is what I will do.

I came to realize that I loved him more than he loved me. I was ready for bigger things in life than he was. I knew that I had a daughter to raise, with or without him. I knew that I wanted to be the most amazing mother that I could possibly be and that there were a lot of things holding me back from that.

The fact that we had a child together made things a lot harder when I came to the decision to leave but I knew that I had to.

I would rather Alana grow up to see him and I not together but able to be good friends and be able to be civil and friendly rather than her growing up with us together and always fighting and arguing.

I knew that he and I were toxic for each other and I knew that I did not want to bring a baby into that lifestyle or environment.

There were a lot of things that he did repeatedly that he swore to me he would never do again and I believed him time and time again and it continuously happened again and again. That was the breaking point for me. I realized one day that he did what he did to me because I allowed it. There was never any consequences for his actions and there were never any repercussions for what he was doing so therefore, he thought that it was ok.

This all goes back to, “We teach others how to treat us!”

That is a saying that will stick with me until the day that I meet my Heavenly Father because it is the most truthful saying in the world.

I loved him, but he wasn't ready to love me and only me!

Of all of this, I learned that you cannot make someone love you.

They have to love you because they want to love you, not because you want them to.

They have to want the same things that you do. They have to need the same things that you do. They have to understand you; not agree, but understand.

You cannot mold someone into what you want them to be. If you have to mold someone into what you want them to be, then you are settling for less because the only thing that you are truly getting is an artificial version of that person. You are getting what you molded them to be, not what they've grown to be on their own.

Another valuable lesson that I learned is this, you don’t need anyone. You may feel like you need that person, but you don’t. You are completely capable of living and breathing without that other person. It may hurt not to have them but you will still be able to breathe and your blood will continue to pump through your veins. You are not going to flat line without him/her.

In a picture perfect world, I wanted him and I to be together and live happily ever after and raise Alana together and give her the best life ever and have a life that most people have……well, if this were a fairy tale and everything happened the way that you wanted it to, then this would be a really dull world that we live in.

I know that everyone has that one love in their past that they look back on with fondness….at the time that it ended, it was horrible and it was the worst thing ever and you cried and you think, “I’m never gonna find anyone else, what now?”

Well, take a moment to stop and look.

 Analyze…….

 Realize where you are now and where that person is. Whether it be good or bad! If you, or the other person, wouldn't have ended that relationship then you wouldn't be where you are and I wouldn't be where I am. It is kind of like, “Thank God for unanswered prayers!” Even though you might have been hoping and praying that things would work out and that the two of you would get back together, thank God that it didn't happen that way because neither one of you would be where you are now if that would have happened. Everything happens for a reason. God obviously had a different plan for the both of you. Regardless of whether what happened after that relationship was good or bad, there is a reason that you are experiencing those specific situations at that time.

Just remember that God has a plan for each of us, and whether we like the plan or not, it is the right plan for us….including all the bad times!

That brings me to this……

Sometimes, there’s good in goodbye!

As bad as it was, as bad as it hurt
I thank God I didn't get what I thought that I deserved
Sometimes life leads you down a different road
When you’re holding onto someone
That you gotta let go
Someday you’ll see the reason why
Sometimes, yeah, sometimes,
There’s good in goodbye

-Carrie Underwood-

Homelessness....Some Stories Have An Amazing Ending!

So, I started a new job on September 19, 2013 at the Kangaroo Express behind my neighborhood. For the most part, it is a neighborhood store so everyone knows everyone; really nice actually. 

So far, I actually like it. I didn't think that I would at first but now that I have been there for almost 3 weeks, I really like it and I love the people that I work with and all the customers (the regulars anyways).

There is 2 guys that come up to the store every night that are homeless and their names are Ron and Joe. Well, Ron cleans our gas pumps and takes out all of our trash for us at night time and all he wants in return is the left over coffee and a beer. So I make that happen for him. Joe, he wants the left over hot dogs and the cans that are in the trash. So I make that happen for him. 

Before I was an employee there, there were a few times that I tried to give Ron some change that I had and one time I even tried to give him a hoodie because it was pouring down rain and I wanted him to have something dry and warm to put on after the storm and he denies everything that anyone tries to give him. He would rather work for what he wants. I respect that a lot. He is honest about his drinking. He doesn't drink a lot but he does drink a beer or two a day. 

Ron and Joe are both super nice and totally harmless. They make sure that we are safe up there at night. We work by ourselves up there so they sit up there at night time until we leave at the end of the night and make sure that we are safe and that we get to our vehicles safely at the end of the night. I really respect the both of them. They both work doing what they can here and there to get what they need and want. 

Homeless people have such a bad reputation. And I don't get along with most of them and I acutally can't stand most of them but Ron and Joe are different from the rest of the homeless people. 

Most homeless people destroy public places and do disgusting stuff in front of businesses and bug people for money and lie about what they need the money for. 

We have a homeless shelter here in Jacksonville that they could go to and most of them choose not to go there because they don't want to have to be in the shelter by lockdown time and they can't drink and do drugs at the shelter so they would rather bug other people. I don't feel bad for the homeless people that are homeless because they choose to be and because they don't want to better themselves....those are the ones that I don't feel bad for. But people like Ron and Joe, I do feel bad for and I would go out of my way to help them out. Last Thanksgiving and Christmas, I took them plates of food and that was before I even knew them like I do now....they are just really awesome people!

But I was told an interesting story by one of our regular customers yesterday.....

A guy (whom is a regular)came in and while he was at the counter paying for his merchandise, Ron walked in and said hey to him and everything and I made the comment to the customer that Ron was a good guy and that he does a lot for us up there and that he is a huge help to us and the customer looked at me and said,

 "Yeah, I've known Ron for a long time...I used to be homeless out here!" 

I just looked at him and said, "Wow, really? Are you serious?"

He responded, "Yes, I sure was! But, things changed for the best for me!" 

I told him that I was happy that things changed for the best and that it is awesome to hear an uplifting and inspirational story like that. He said, "Well, I will share my story with you!"

I was so intrigued to hear his story......

He said that he was standing outside that very same store (Kangaroo) and he was panhandling. He said that a lady was walking out of the store, back to her car and he asked her if she had 40 cents so that he could get a beer and she gave it to him. He said that he had a government phone and he had given her his number. He said that he did not expect to ever see or hear from her......

Two days later, his phone rang and it was her!!!!!!

Fast Forward >>>>>>>>

Here they are two years later, they are still together. He ahs a good job, they have bought two cars, a house, and they are living together happily and they are living a comfortable life. 

When he shared that with me, I just wanted to cry but all I could do was smile. 

I told him congratulations and that I was so happy to hear that and touched. 

I instantly was inspired to write this blog. 

This story makes you realize that beautiful things are possible and that all bad times have to come to an end eventually. Not everything lasts forever. 

My favorite saying when I am going through a bad, hard, or difficult time is, "This Too Shall Pass!"

Everything shall pass eventually. It may suck at the time that you are experiencing it, but it eventually gets better.

This story gave me so much inspiration. It also gave me a lot of motivation to never give up and to always keep pushing even when you feel that you don't have the strength to push on anymore. 

This has been my inspiration for the week.

Feeling inspired and blessed. 

I will leave you with this. Just remember, someone else always has it worse than you. Just keep faith and hope and keep moving forward and don't look back.

Leave the past where it belongs.....

DON'T ALLOW YOUR PAST TO BECOME YOUR FUTURE!

Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment or share. Thank you!

Uhh, I Think You're Just A Rebound!!!! Even Though I'm Hurt, I Still Respect Myself!

I am feeling really inspired about writing this post, due to a good friend of mine asking me how to know if you're in a rebound relationship. She recently has undergone a break-up with her boyfriend after 7 year, wow long time, right? Well, unfortunately things happen and sometimes what we think is a good relationship really isn't. 

After her and her boyfriend were together for 7 long years, he decided that video games were more important (I've written about this in a prior post). Of course, she is devastated....and I was too when I went through my separation with my ex after almost 7 years, due to video games....wow what a coincidence!

Here is my thing, even though it hurts....sometimes the most necessary things are the most painful. Yes, she is hurt...extremely hurt, however, she doesn't deserve to be neglected either. 

Yesterday, her and I were talking and she was telling me how she has been hanging out with other guys and stuff...which is totally okay, by the way. 

My response to her was, "That is a good thing that you're hanging out with other people, it will make things easier when you move out of the same house with your ex!" I also told her to be careful because she is at a really vulnerable point in her life right now. She is heartbroken and when guys know that, they will take advantage of it. 

My next piece of advice to her was, if you start a new relationship...make sure that it is not rebound. I know that rebound relationships are easy to get into when you're hurting from a prior relationship that has ended badly. Her response to me was, "How do you know if it is rebound?" "I just hope that I don't push the right guy away because I think that it might be rebound!"

Unfortunately, rebound is something that is hard to see ahead of time. It is usually something that you don't realize until it is too late. 

Signs of a Rebound Relationship:
1. Things move extremely fast.

2. You find yourself having extremely deep feelings for someone really fast.

3. You are still in love with your ex - Make sure that you allow yourself enough time to get over the heartache from the last relationship before starting a new one.

4. Mood swings - If you are having bad mood swings and find yourself snapping at your boyfriend for no reason, that might be a sign of a rebound relationship.

5. In need of constant reassurance. If you are always needing a man to give you reassurance then you probably are not ready to be in a relationship.

6.Fantasizing about your ex - If you find yourself comparing your boyfriend to your ex, thinking about your ex during intimacy, always thinking about your future and your ex is included.....then you have not full recovered from the pain that your ex caused you and you probably shouldn't be in a relationship just yet.

7. You use sex to curve the pain - If you are not having sex for the right reasons (love) then you shouldn't be having sex at all. You should NEVER use sex to get over a painful time. If you are in pain, emotionally, then sex is not the way to deal with that pain. Remember, once sex becomes a factor, it takes things to an entirely different level; feelings get involved, attachments get involved, and when you do realize that the relationship was just rebound from the beginning, it makes it harder to get away and you're hurt even more than you were from the beginning. Don't put yourself in that situation. 

The next thing that I wanted to bring attention to is the fact that when girls (more than men) go through a devastating break-up, they tend to lose self respect. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS value yourself and your body. Do NOT let the devastation from a break-up lower your self respect. Your self image and self respect/value is the most important thing that you have.

If you don't respect yourself, no one else will either; especially a man.

I was told this one time by my youth minister and it has stuck with me since I was a young teenager, "A man will only respect you as much as you respect yourself!" With that being said, when you go through a devastating break-up and you start sleeping around and acting slutty, that is exactly how others will perceive you and men will take advantage of that. 

Remember, perception is everything and you are judged by that. How you look, dress, talk, act, who you hang out with, etc. is all factors of how people perceive you. 

Here are some other things that I've seen girls do during a break-up that lowers their self respect, whether they think it does or not.....

- They beg for that man to come back. DON'T do that. If he left you, then leave it as that. Don't beg for him to take you back, don't beg him to try to work things out. Just simply look at him and say (even though it is hard), "It may hurt and it may be hard, but it is your decision and I respect that!" That is much more dignified than screaming and crying for him not to leave you. 

- DO NOT let him see you cry. It is hard to hold it together when you are face to face with the person that has crushed your heart, BUT you have to hold things together while you're in his presence. It is definitely okay to cry, just don't do it around him.

- Gather the people that you know support you and that have your back. That makes things a lot easier. Even though they cannot take the pain away, knowing that they support you and understand makes it a lot better. The worst thing to feel in that time is that you're alone. Just know, you are not the only girl that has ever experienced a painful break-up. Unfortunately, break-ups are normal and they happen. Remember, nothing in life is promised...except death.

- Don't keep the line of communication open. After he breaks up with you, he will probably keep calling you or texting you....stop answering, change your number, block his number, SOMETHING. Do not allow him to string you along. His "let you down easy" is not about the fact that he still has lingering feelings for you, it is all about him. You have to put your foot down and let him know when enough is enough.

- DON'T allow yourself to be his backup plan. If he tells you that he plans on dating other girls then that is what he plans on doing. Do not allow him to pull the, "Well, I am going to date other girls but I will always love you!" That is just his way of keeping you accessible for when the next relationship doesn't go his way.

- Don't stop your life because of him. Even though you may feel like you're dying, you have to make it seem like you are totally fine to him. Get up and get dressed and go out with your friends. Have fun. Have a life. You want it to look like you are just perfectly fine and much better off without him, even if that is not the case! If he knows that you are totally miserable, then he feels like he is in control.....you have to be in control of yourself, DON'T allow someone else to be in control of you!

- Review the relationship...I'm pretty sure that once you and him have split that you could look back and find 101 things that were wrong with the relationship and you could probably find 501 warning signs. Assess your life and how it was when y'all were together versus now that he is gone and realize and learn all the things that you don't want in the next man. Take this break- up as a lesson learned.

- Believe it or not, listening to love songs and break- up songs is a good thing because you don't feel alone. The thought of Carrie Underwood (for example) wrote a song that you can relate to 110% will make you feel like someone else understands. Also, we all have this thing in our minds that famous people don't have love and relationship issues which is definitely not the case, so when you feel like someone who you thought lived a picture perfect life can relate then you feel secure and reassured that you are going to be ok.

- Let done be done. A lot of times when guys break up with girls, they come back later on and want to work things out. Trying ONE more time is one thing, DON'T try again after that. It is a bad idea. If it didn't work the first time or the second time...then ten times later isn't going to work either. Not only that but you send the signal that it is ok to treat you like crap and so instead of him respecting you, he will continuously use you because he knows that you will deal with it. It also lets him know that you are weak. You never want to show a sign of weakness to a man. They feed off of that. And last but not least, it lends a sense of inevitability. You will start to feel like with him is your destiny and no matter how hard you try to break away, you will always end up with him....that is extremely unhealthy.

- Insist respect. As I stated earlier, a man will only respect you as much as you respect yourself (and this goes for everything else outside of relationships as well). If you don't demand respect and put your foot down and stand your ground....you will never receive it. Demand and insist that you be treated with dignity. You are a woman and you deserve dignity and respect.....there are more men in this world than that one. What he won't do another man will.

- Recognize that you have eliminated Mr. Wrong and move on. Eliminating Mr. Wrong will only be for the best. There is nothing bad that could come out of that. Stop worrying about unnecessary stuff and worry about your happiness (and kids, if you have them) and the things that really matter.

One last thing I want to add before I end this....

Yes, what one man didn't do, another man will, however, be careful with that because you may complain or be unhappy with what one man does or doesn't do and then when you move on to the next person, they may do what the last person didn't do BUT their faults may be more to handle than the last person. Just remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. So weigh your options and make decisions wisely. Don't ruin a potentially good relationship......

I hope that this has helped someone or touched someone's life. Please feel free to comment and share. 

Thanks for reading!

I'm A Single Mother! Oh yes, And I Am A Pretty Legit One Too!

Ok, so this is a post that is about a very touchy, emotional, and angering topic for me...so it might get rude but it will be clean at the same time....

I just need to get this off my chest!!!!!

I am 21 years old. When I was born, I was born to parents that were 16 and 18 years old. They were married....

There were a lot of bad things that happened between my parents when I was an infant, however, thankfully I don't remember all those trying times. 

All I know is that my parents were married entirely too young and were also very young when they became parents. 

....Lesson learned for me....

Well, here I am....21 years old and have an 8 month old daughter. I love her dearly, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.....

Although I am young....I still think that I am a pretty legit mom.

I got pregnant when I was 19 (2 months before I turned 20) and I had my daughter shortly before turning 21. 

She is a blessing...

She has changed me in so many ways.

I successfully graduated high school, was in college, and awkwardly enough....I was single (at the time of finding out that I was pregnant).....

I was stressed my entire pregnancy. 

Imagine carrying a baby for 9 months knowing that when she gets here, she will never have a relationship with her dad because he is not the dad that he should be. Imagine having to look your daughter in the eyes one day when she asks where her daddy is and tell her, "Well, he has never really been around and he has never really done anything for you!" Just imagine that feeling....can you??

Although, I was confident enough to be able to be a legit mom without help from her father....I was still depressed and scared. 

I know that I am going to have to deal with the pain that will eventually arouse at some point in Alana's life.

As a mother, that is the worst feeling in the world, the feeling that you've set your child up for failure.

On top of already having that feeling, I had family members constantly telling me that my mistakes were going to be the cause of Alana's heartaches and struggles that she will endure throughout her life. 

I always told myself that I wanted my children to have the same relationship with their father that I always had with mine and unfortunately that is not the case with Alana and her biological father. 

The life of a single mother consists of, working and taking care of my daughter. No more fun life and getting to do whatever I want...BUT....it is so worth it. I do not miss the life of being able to do whatever I want. I love my daughter and I would sacrifice anything for her to have an amazing life and to have her in mine. I still get to do stuff every once in a while but it is few and far between. 

I stress about money, child care, etc. 

Do you think her father helps me at all??? Nope. But I am perfectly okay with that. 

He is the one that will have to answer to her one day, not me. All I can do is be honest with her when she asks me and not keep anything from her or lie to her about anything, however, I have to make sure that I do that in a way that isn't negative towards her father because I want her to draw her own conclusions of her dad. I do not wanna be the reason that she dislikes him or has hard feelings towards him. 

The life of a single mother is hard, but it is so rewarding. 

I get aggravated, frustrated, stressed, etc. but I don't regret any of it. In fact, all of that is worth it to me because I would rather Alana grow up and say, "Mom you were a great mom and you did it by yourself" versus her growing up to say that she wishes I wouldn't have allowed her to go through some of the hard times and experiences that she went through.

I look at it like this.....she will grow up to love me more than anyone in this world and we will have so many memories together and we will be able to look back and say that we have the strongest relationship and that it is a relationship that cannot be broken.

The one thing that aggravates me the most about being a single mother is the resentment and hatred that I have towards Alana's dad because he gets to go to sleep at night and have a full nights sleep and it be peaceful, he gets to come and go when he wants and doesn't have to worry about anyone else, he gets to blow money and not have to help take care of a child, he gets to go off with his friends and have fun and not have to worry about any responsibility. That frustrates me to absolutely no end...BUT it is apart of life and I know that it is not going to change so I just deal with it and keep it pushing.

I've come to realize that Alana will be just fine in life as long as I protect her and keep her from tragic experiences. I am not perfect, no mother is. I am going to make mistakes, every mother does. It is about moving past the mistakes, the hard times, the worries, the stress, and all the extra nonsense and doing what is right for your child. 

I know what is right and I know what I need to do to provide Alana the best life possible. I just hope that it all pays off in the end.

One thing that I stand strongly on is this: Is her dad is going to be in her life then he will either be in or out, there is no in between. I will not allow him to hurt Alana by constantly running in and out. I will not allow him to be a bad influence on her. 

Another thing that I stand strongly on is: If he helps (financially), then he helps....if he doesn't, then he doesn't BUT Alana will not go without ANYTHING. 

I prayed that God would bless me with a job and that he would allow me to be more financially stable so that I could provide for Alana on my own and once again....the amazing God that I praise came through and I've been employed for a week now. I love my job. It is not the best, it is definitely not my career...but it is enough to get me by and for me to survive until I finish college and get into my career. 

I don't want to be greedy, so I pray for the basics....and so far, God has not let me down and I know that He won't! 

My life is amazing right now. I love my life and more than anything, I love my little spoiled rotten angel.

She has definitely been a blessing....

I've went through a lot with my family about me having a child and a lot of other factors that go with it, however, they all love Alana and she is embraced with an abundance of love that her and I are both blessed to have because not every child is fortunate enough to be blessed with as much love and support as Alana and I are blessed with.

All of that brings me to this......

God is amazing. 

He sent a wonderful man into my our (Alana and I) lives and I love him so much. 

Alana loves him too.

He is amazing. He loves Alana as if she were his own child, he doesn't treat her any differently than he would one of his own.

She has a man to experience the father/daughter relationship with. 

My prayers became reality and that was the most amazing thing that has ever happened in my life. I could not ask for more when it comes to Jerod. 

He is awesome.

There are a lot of people in my family who don't like him and think that he doesn't do enough but I've come to realize that my relationship is none of their business and I am going to love who I want and I am going to be with who I want. It is none of their concern. If they don't like who I am with, they can either get over it and love me for me.....or they can exit our lives. Either way, I have a daughter to raise and I am going to do that regardless of who is there to watch it or not. I am not going to stop loving the person that I've wanted to be with for a long time because other people want me to. 

It is time for me to move on with my life and make my life what I want it to be.

I am trying to be successful in life so that I don't have to struggle forever.

All I can say is, being a single mother is hard and it is a full time job within itself but I would not trade it for the world. Alana is amazing and so is Jerod and I could not have asked for 2 more awesome people in my life. 

They make me happy and they make me complete....that is all that matters!

Oh, and I must add.....I have 2 amazing friends that have been there for me through everything and I am truly blessed to have them in my life....they are awesome and I know that they have my back no matter what and that if I am ever at a weak point, they are there to bring me up. They are also gifts from God....there is no other way possible that these 2 people are in my life other than through our wonderful and awesome God!!! Only He is powerful enough to make them a part of my life!

THEY ARE AWESOME AND HAVE HELPED ME SOOOO MUCH. I SO LOVE THEM!