Good In Goodbye!

Good In Goodbye

I don’t regret it,
The time we had together
I won’t forget it.
But we both ended up where we belong
I guess goodbye made us strong.

-Carrie Underwood-

Have you ever experienced a love for someone so strongly and when it ended, you were more than devastated; however, you knew that it was most definitely necessary? How did you feel during that time?

Well over the past 8 months or so, I have learned that sometimes the most necessary things are the most painful. It really is unappealing, emotionally.

I went through this with Alana’s biological father. It was awful. As much as I loved him, I knew that him and I were absolutely toxic together.

With him, like with most people; when times were good, they were great but when they were bad, they were horrible. It really was an emotional roller coaster and we had a lot of volunteers when it came to making things difficult and trying for us.

There were a lot of ups and downs, a lot of happy and sad, a lot of tears and laughter, a lot of hurtful words and amazing kisses, a lot of “punches” thrown and a lot of amazing hugs, a lot of hurt and a lot of comfort.

Through all those things, the one thing that was beautiful out of the entire relationship was……Alana Nikole Marie Smith.

There were a lot of reoccurring things that I finally just could not take anymore. Unfortunately, I had to walk away for the last time.

It wasn't easy, it hurt, it took a lot to bring the “ending” words out of my mouth…..but at the end of the day, I knew that at that moment, it was very necessary.

With a child in the mix of it all, it became more necessary. It wasn't easy at all.

There is one thing that I can say, I loved him unconditionally BUT at that particular time, he did not love me the same.

The more that I thought about our situation, I knew that we were not doing anything but making things harder on ourselves. I knew that if one of us didn't end our relationship, that we would grow to hate each other. I knew that. As hard as it was to face, I knew the truth and lived in denial for a while before I made my final decision.

One thing about me when it comes to relationships is, I will give it my all. I will exhaust all possible resources and options before calling it quits. When there is no other alternative or option, except to leave the situation altogether, that is what I will do.

I came to realize that I loved him more than he loved me. I was ready for bigger things in life than he was. I knew that I had a daughter to raise, with or without him. I knew that I wanted to be the most amazing mother that I could possibly be and that there were a lot of things holding me back from that.

The fact that we had a child together made things a lot harder when I came to the decision to leave but I knew that I had to.

I would rather Alana grow up to see him and I not together but able to be good friends and be able to be civil and friendly rather than her growing up with us together and always fighting and arguing.

I knew that he and I were toxic for each other and I knew that I did not want to bring a baby into that lifestyle or environment.

There were a lot of things that he did repeatedly that he swore to me he would never do again and I believed him time and time again and it continuously happened again and again. That was the breaking point for me. I realized one day that he did what he did to me because I allowed it. There was never any consequences for his actions and there were never any repercussions for what he was doing so therefore, he thought that it was ok.

This all goes back to, “We teach others how to treat us!”

That is a saying that will stick with me until the day that I meet my Heavenly Father because it is the most truthful saying in the world.

I loved him, but he wasn't ready to love me and only me!

Of all of this, I learned that you cannot make someone love you.

They have to love you because they want to love you, not because you want them to.

They have to want the same things that you do. They have to need the same things that you do. They have to understand you; not agree, but understand.

You cannot mold someone into what you want them to be. If you have to mold someone into what you want them to be, then you are settling for less because the only thing that you are truly getting is an artificial version of that person. You are getting what you molded them to be, not what they've grown to be on their own.

Another valuable lesson that I learned is this, you don’t need anyone. You may feel like you need that person, but you don’t. You are completely capable of living and breathing without that other person. It may hurt not to have them but you will still be able to breathe and your blood will continue to pump through your veins. You are not going to flat line without him/her.

In a picture perfect world, I wanted him and I to be together and live happily ever after and raise Alana together and give her the best life ever and have a life that most people have……well, if this were a fairy tale and everything happened the way that you wanted it to, then this would be a really dull world that we live in.

I know that everyone has that one love in their past that they look back on with fondness….at the time that it ended, it was horrible and it was the worst thing ever and you cried and you think, “I’m never gonna find anyone else, what now?”

Well, take a moment to stop and look.

 Analyze…….

 Realize where you are now and where that person is. Whether it be good or bad! If you, or the other person, wouldn't have ended that relationship then you wouldn't be where you are and I wouldn't be where I am. It is kind of like, “Thank God for unanswered prayers!” Even though you might have been hoping and praying that things would work out and that the two of you would get back together, thank God that it didn't happen that way because neither one of you would be where you are now if that would have happened. Everything happens for a reason. God obviously had a different plan for the both of you. Regardless of whether what happened after that relationship was good or bad, there is a reason that you are experiencing those specific situations at that time.

Just remember that God has a plan for each of us, and whether we like the plan or not, it is the right plan for us….including all the bad times!

That brings me to this……

Sometimes, there’s good in goodbye!

As bad as it was, as bad as it hurt
I thank God I didn't get what I thought that I deserved
Sometimes life leads you down a different road
When you’re holding onto someone
That you gotta let go
Someday you’ll see the reason why
Sometimes, yeah, sometimes,
There’s good in goodbye

-Carrie Underwood-