I'm A Single Mother! Oh yes, And I Am A Pretty Legit One Too!

Ok, so this is a post that is about a very touchy, emotional, and angering topic for me...so it might get rude but it will be clean at the same time....

I just need to get this off my chest!!!!!

I am 21 years old. When I was born, I was born to parents that were 16 and 18 years old. They were married....

There were a lot of bad things that happened between my parents when I was an infant, however, thankfully I don't remember all those trying times. 

All I know is that my parents were married entirely too young and were also very young when they became parents. 

....Lesson learned for me....

Well, here I am....21 years old and have an 8 month old daughter. I love her dearly, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.....

Although I am young....I still think that I am a pretty legit mom.

I got pregnant when I was 19 (2 months before I turned 20) and I had my daughter shortly before turning 21. 

She is a blessing...

She has changed me in so many ways.

I successfully graduated high school, was in college, and awkwardly enough....I was single (at the time of finding out that I was pregnant).....

I was stressed my entire pregnancy. 

Imagine carrying a baby for 9 months knowing that when she gets here, she will never have a relationship with her dad because he is not the dad that he should be. Imagine having to look your daughter in the eyes one day when she asks where her daddy is and tell her, "Well, he has never really been around and he has never really done anything for you!" Just imagine that feeling....can you??

Although, I was confident enough to be able to be a legit mom without help from her father....I was still depressed and scared. 

I know that I am going to have to deal with the pain that will eventually arouse at some point in Alana's life.

As a mother, that is the worst feeling in the world, the feeling that you've set your child up for failure.

On top of already having that feeling, I had family members constantly telling me that my mistakes were going to be the cause of Alana's heartaches and struggles that she will endure throughout her life. 

I always told myself that I wanted my children to have the same relationship with their father that I always had with mine and unfortunately that is not the case with Alana and her biological father. 

The life of a single mother consists of, working and taking care of my daughter. No more fun life and getting to do whatever I want...BUT....it is so worth it. I do not miss the life of being able to do whatever I want. I love my daughter and I would sacrifice anything for her to have an amazing life and to have her in mine. I still get to do stuff every once in a while but it is few and far between. 

I stress about money, child care, etc. 

Do you think her father helps me at all??? Nope. But I am perfectly okay with that. 

He is the one that will have to answer to her one day, not me. All I can do is be honest with her when she asks me and not keep anything from her or lie to her about anything, however, I have to make sure that I do that in a way that isn't negative towards her father because I want her to draw her own conclusions of her dad. I do not wanna be the reason that she dislikes him or has hard feelings towards him. 

The life of a single mother is hard, but it is so rewarding. 

I get aggravated, frustrated, stressed, etc. but I don't regret any of it. In fact, all of that is worth it to me because I would rather Alana grow up and say, "Mom you were a great mom and you did it by yourself" versus her growing up to say that she wishes I wouldn't have allowed her to go through some of the hard times and experiences that she went through.

I look at it like this.....she will grow up to love me more than anyone in this world and we will have so many memories together and we will be able to look back and say that we have the strongest relationship and that it is a relationship that cannot be broken.

The one thing that aggravates me the most about being a single mother is the resentment and hatred that I have towards Alana's dad because he gets to go to sleep at night and have a full nights sleep and it be peaceful, he gets to come and go when he wants and doesn't have to worry about anyone else, he gets to blow money and not have to help take care of a child, he gets to go off with his friends and have fun and not have to worry about any responsibility. That frustrates me to absolutely no end...BUT it is apart of life and I know that it is not going to change so I just deal with it and keep it pushing.

I've come to realize that Alana will be just fine in life as long as I protect her and keep her from tragic experiences. I am not perfect, no mother is. I am going to make mistakes, every mother does. It is about moving past the mistakes, the hard times, the worries, the stress, and all the extra nonsense and doing what is right for your child. 

I know what is right and I know what I need to do to provide Alana the best life possible. I just hope that it all pays off in the end.

One thing that I stand strongly on is this: Is her dad is going to be in her life then he will either be in or out, there is no in between. I will not allow him to hurt Alana by constantly running in and out. I will not allow him to be a bad influence on her. 

Another thing that I stand strongly on is: If he helps (financially), then he helps....if he doesn't, then he doesn't BUT Alana will not go without ANYTHING. 

I prayed that God would bless me with a job and that he would allow me to be more financially stable so that I could provide for Alana on my own and once again....the amazing God that I praise came through and I've been employed for a week now. I love my job. It is not the best, it is definitely not my career...but it is enough to get me by and for me to survive until I finish college and get into my career. 

I don't want to be greedy, so I pray for the basics....and so far, God has not let me down and I know that He won't! 

My life is amazing right now. I love my life and more than anything, I love my little spoiled rotten angel.

She has definitely been a blessing....

I've went through a lot with my family about me having a child and a lot of other factors that go with it, however, they all love Alana and she is embraced with an abundance of love that her and I are both blessed to have because not every child is fortunate enough to be blessed with as much love and support as Alana and I are blessed with.

All of that brings me to this......

God is amazing. 

He sent a wonderful man into my our (Alana and I) lives and I love him so much. 

Alana loves him too.

He is amazing. He loves Alana as if she were his own child, he doesn't treat her any differently than he would one of his own.

She has a man to experience the father/daughter relationship with. 

My prayers became reality and that was the most amazing thing that has ever happened in my life. I could not ask for more when it comes to Jerod. 

He is awesome.

There are a lot of people in my family who don't like him and think that he doesn't do enough but I've come to realize that my relationship is none of their business and I am going to love who I want and I am going to be with who I want. It is none of their concern. If they don't like who I am with, they can either get over it and love me for me.....or they can exit our lives. Either way, I have a daughter to raise and I am going to do that regardless of who is there to watch it or not. I am not going to stop loving the person that I've wanted to be with for a long time because other people want me to. 

It is time for me to move on with my life and make my life what I want it to be.

I am trying to be successful in life so that I don't have to struggle forever.

All I can say is, being a single mother is hard and it is a full time job within itself but I would not trade it for the world. Alana is amazing and so is Jerod and I could not have asked for 2 more awesome people in my life. 

They make me happy and they make me complete....that is all that matters!

Oh, and I must add.....I have 2 amazing friends that have been there for me through everything and I am truly blessed to have them in my life....they are awesome and I know that they have my back no matter what and that if I am ever at a weak point, they are there to bring me up. They are also gifts from God....there is no other way possible that these 2 people are in my life other than through our wonderful and awesome God!!! Only He is powerful enough to make them a part of my life!

THEY ARE AWESOME AND HAVE HELPED ME SOOOO MUCH. I SO LOVE THEM!