Have you ever been in a race, competition, etc.?
If so, how well did you want to do? What place did you want to be in?
Now, think about a time where you didn't win and you came in 2nd place.....how did you feel?
Crappy right? You felt like least best, right? Or you felt like you came up short, right?
Sure.....of course you did. That is a natural feeling!
No one is ever satisfied with being in 2nd place. Everyone wants to be #1.
Well, that is kind of how a relationship, or a potential relationship is as well......you want to be first and you want to be the only......therefore, you want to be #1!!!!!!!!!!
Have you ever experienced a time where you had extremely strong feelings for someone but they were at a different place in life, whether it be that they are in a relationship, they don't want a relationship, etc.?
Well unfortunately that is never a fun place to be in.
In fact, being in that place could potentially be very hurtful!
Have you ever been the "other girl"?
I have and it is the worst feeling in the world! Not only does it hurt you emotionally because all you can do is think about the fact that what you and that other person share, is also being shared with someone else.
It is not something that you think about intentionally, it is totally subconscious!!!!
I have been there and it is the absolute worst!
It is against all things that I believe in and it is against all morals that I have. The thought of enabling someone to be unfaithful to their other half is the worst feeling ever, especially if you've ever been cheated on and know how it feels to be cheated on (and I have experienced that as well).
With that being said, I've been the other woman. I felt bad, I wanted it to be something more. I still want it to be something more. I am not sure if it ever will be but if it is ever anything more, I am almost positive that I would be the happiest that I've ever been!
This person and I are so close; emotionally, mentally, physically, etc.
It is a struggle that I face and deal with every day! It is something that I think about every day constantly.
It is so hard not to think about it.
I am terrified to start talking to someone else because I don't want to miss the chance if it is ever available.
Okay...I admit it......
.........I LOVE THIS PERSON.........
Whole-heartedly, passionately, 100%.......
I cannot go without talking to this person.....
Oh no! What do I do now?
The thought of cutting all ties is terrifying. I cannot stand the thought of it.
Waiting? Oh gosh! That thought is a bit scary too considering the last time I waited for someone, I got completely crushed.
I am just torn.
So many options but they are all not the one that I want! Why can't things just be perfect all the time?
Why can't everything go the way that you want them to go?
Why can't his situation be different? Why can't he be single?
On a good note, things are not good with his situation BUT if it ends then what will happen between him and I?
Would we be together? Would he find someone else? Am I going to get hurt from this situation?
What about all the things that I'm terrified of actually happening?
Then what do I do?
What if I don't wait and keep myself available and I miss the opportunity??
I am a firm believer that if it is meant to happen and it is God's plan then that is what will happen, however, I know deep down inside that he would make me more than happy.
He is perfect (for me anyways), he has everything that I look for in a man, he does everything that I have ever wanted any man to do!
I just don't know what in the world to do!
This is when I turn to God (more so than ever)...this is when I need His help. This is when I feel needy and selfish!
This is not the cards that I want BUT these are the ones that I have been dealt! Unfortunately.....
I love God....and I know that He loves me BUT....I also know that what is occurring at this moment is not okay and it is not acceptable!
I cannot even believe that I am in this situation especially since I have been cheated on.
It is a really bad situation to be in and there are so many conflicting emotions and thoughts that go with it. I just don't understand why me of all people has to go through this.
It is so hard to pull away but I am so attached.
I don't want to cut ties because I am terrified of it ruining everything. If I ruin everything then if and when the opportunity is ever available....well, then I have missed it!
If I hold on and see where things go then what if it never goes anywhere? Then I'm left heartbroken....it is a crappy situation to be in.
It is a huge emotional risk that I am taking either route that I go!
I am at a fork in the road......I am on a road in the middle of nowhere. Not a place that is familiar. It is pretty foggy out here. The visibility is not the best! I can't see far ahead. Not sure where either road (left or right) will take me. Do I just stand here and hope that things become more clear? Or....do I choose a path and take it? If you were on a foggy street in an unfamiliar place, would you stand there and wait for the fog to clear or would you take the chance and choose a road and take it? Tough decision.
If I chance it and just choose a path then I am left with all of the "What If" questions. If I just stand there and wait for the fog to clear then I am taking the chance of missing out on something that "could" be better!
*Sigh*
At this moment, I am not sure where I should go......so for the time being, I will just stand here and hopefully the fog clears sooner than later.......
When I process this whole situation a little more, I will write another blog about where things ended up and what I learned from this experience....
The only thing that I've learned thus far is that love SUCKS sometimes and it is one of the most tricky things to be faced with......
I will continue to seek God during this time and I will continue to pray that he shows me guidance.
Hopefully I end up where I WANT to be.....BUT.....if I don't then at least I know that where ever I end up is where I am SUPPOSED to be!
*****Thanks to everyone who has been reading these. Sorry that I have not posted one sooner than this but there has been a lot of craziness in my life and I have not had the time. For the ones who read this or are reading this, I want to say thank you. This has been an amazing experience. This blog is going further than I ever thought that it would. I am so blessed. Please continue to read my blogs. Feel free to become a "Follower" of them and also please make sure that you share them with others. Also, feel free to comment (only if it is positive), share, etc. I appreciate every one's support!
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